The Anxiety of Waiting

Luke 12:26 If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest?

As we slip into the new year, I find my anxiety and frustration increasing. Still waiting on the SC Medical Board to issue me a license to practice medicine here. Still commuting 7 hours to work at a job I resigned from 6 months ago. Awaiting word from the bank whether or not we qualify for a mortgage. I used to be really good at letting anxiety run off my back like water off a newly waxed car, but find that the more time passes, the more worked up I become.

I had even hoped to volunteer some at the local Church, but it has taken me several months to fill out the applications, get the necessary background checks and take the mandatory course on recognizing child abuse that I have pretty much missed out on assisting with the youth group or faith formation. Money is tighter than normal as I am maintaining several addresses and working only about 2/3 of the shifts I used to cover. And the price of gasoline for the long commute is emptying my wallet.

So I return to Luke 12:26 and know that in the end it will all work out. All of this waiting has me examining my pride, one of the deadly sins, which perhaps is the purpose for the delay. I have always known that this opportunity required me to decrease so my wife could increase (to paraphrase John the Baptist). I just haven't gotten used to it yet.

Charity

"For the judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment. What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,' but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead." (James 2:13-17)

"[But] take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you." (Matt 6:1­4)

I hear so much talk about the haves and the have-nots, the government's role and the role of the private sector but as everyone is talking I wonder if anyone is actually listening or even more, thinking?

God created the world with enough resources to go around. God intended that the world’s resources benefit all creation. It is our responsibility that we don’t claim so much that others have little or nothing. Sharing is a matter of justice. Charity, or love of neighbor, requires that the goods of the earth be available for everyone to use in a reasonable way.

I hear about churches raising funds or having food drives but it seems many are more willing to give funds for the new parking lot than for the poor. Even worse in my own field it makes me cringe when I hear that those who can't afford their medications should be allowed to suffer or even die. I don't try to make excuses for those who make poor life choices like dropping out of school, or overeating or smoking or consuming too much alcohol. However, Christ called us individually, not the government or churches collectively, to live a life of charity as charity equates with love and love of neighbor is second only to love of God. I hope to start volunteering at the free clinic here whenever my SC med license finally arrives. We are too blessed as a nation to let the poor or hungry starve on our streets.

Moving Again

So I haven't been long in SC and just got my nice new driver's license, new checks for my bank account, forwarded some of my bills and voila, we're moving again.

Seems like the apartment was too small afterall. So we loaded up everything we could in the cars and truck and moved a few blocks to a small rental house. With the real estate market the way it is a lot of nice little homes are for rent instead of for sale.

For a few bucks we hired a couple of movers for the bigger stuff which in this heat was a blessing for us and a little work for them. So it looks like another trip to the DMV and the bank. I do think the house will be more comfortable and there is definitely more space, enough so that I can move a few more of my books.

I did have to invest in a new lawnmower and larger mail box, but the lawn is much more manageable than the one in NC and I enjoy a little yard work now and then.

Pretty much another wasted day

I spent a good part of today at the SC DMV

office trying to get my cars registered before the 45 day grace period ends. This is my third visit to the DMV. On the first visit I was able to get a driver's license. On my second visit I was told all of the additonal materials I would need to register my vehicles (that were not clearly listed on the web site). Today another nearly four hours and only got two of our four vehicles registered.

On the one vehicle registered in my wife's name, since she hasn't gotten a SC driver's license yet they had another address in the computer. The attendant asked if she lived at a different address than I did and I responded not unless she moved after going to work this morning. I then asked what address they had for her and I was told they couldn't tell me. I guess I look like a stalker especially given that I had already paid about $300 in property tax for her vehicle earlier in the day. Eventually after I gave enough information about our former SC addresses, she admitted it was a Columbia address from 15 years ago. So my wife's car cannot be registered until either she gets a SC driver's license or files a change of address form. On the second vehicle I was told I needed a bill of sale to show that the vehicle was purchased new and not used. Odd they didn't ask for that for the other vehicles which were also purchased new, but I didn't bring up the discrepancy.

Some people are calling for an increase in government in our lives. If the DMV is any measure of government efficiency, I would vote no. At one point the lines were getting so long and the waits even longer that I could feel tension building within the crowd and wanted to yell out, "doesn't this double-wide have a occupant capacity that we have obviously exceeded. One woman went to the counter and said, "I've been waiting over an hour," to which another man said, "sit down, I've been here almost two."

So I guess I need to find a bill of sale. You know I'm almost getting to the point of being afraid to throw anything away as just as soon as I do, someone wants to see it for one reason or another. It's like getting official approval for being a hoarder.

Orange Country

So we made it to South Carolina, the western part of the state and it was hard not to notice we seem to be in "Orange Country."

I suspect it is because we are only about twenty minutes from Clemson University.

Now, I am a graduate of the University of South Carolina, which is about two hours from here and their school color is red or magenta, but I do have a thing for orange and have had since my youth. Perhaps it is because with reddish hair I was never allowed to wear red or yellow, but for some reason orange was ok. I remember having an orange "turtleneck" I wore all the time in middle school until it had faded to a light color. As colors go, having an interest in orange seems more rare than not. I drive an orange car and have a closet full of orange colored shirts.

So I felt right at home walking down the Clemson aisle at our local WalMart with orange cups and orange towels and orange shirts on either side. Although not having attended school there I already feel a bond with the local university.

Beginning of a New Chapter

Well today is moving day. Supposed to be near 100 today. I'm sure I've packed more than will fit in my daughter's little car but will do the best I can stuffing it in. As my last work shift drew to a close, the nurses and techs threw me a little farewell party. Orange balloons (inside joke), a few snacks and lots of hugs and tears. Odd, I never got any goodbyes from most of the administration. The people I work with are awesome and I will miss them. I gave out the balloons to the pediatric patients awaiting discharge, said my last goodbyes and hit the road. Seven hour trip ahead of me today but ready for the change ahead.

It's Hot Out There

This has been a rather hot July, even for our standards. I know it's only 95 outside but the humidity makes it feel like 115.

With only a day or two in the 80s, people's ability to withstand the heat is wearing thin. Ambulance after ambulance carried in young and old today overcome by the heat.

It's summertime, it's the south, isn't it supposed to be hot? It's easy to say when you are sitting in an air conditioned room or building but as we are finding out, many of the old or the poor have no air conditioning at all. One EMS told me the house he went into earlier in the day was like going into an oven.












So what's the forecast? Supposed to get even hotter.

Out with the Old, In with the New

Well today was pretty much the last day I formally acted in my role as Medical Director of the Emergency Room. Last teleconference behind me, only one more meeting later today. I work one more shift in my nominal role as ED physician, then hit the road.

I never really got into the role as director. I've always considered myself more of a worker bee. And don't administrators love meetings. How much more productive could this country be if they just put a cap on meetings. Overall, I was able to push through a few favorite initiatives and tried to act as an advocate for those under my directorship, but found that as the number of meetings increased, my enthusiasm for starting new initiatives decreased.

So farewell to all of this, in a month I return to my worker bee status. And the next time someone offers an administration position to me, I'll offer the excuse that I'm allergic to meetings and to give it to someone who needs the ego boost more than me.

What to pack, what to leave

I remember years ago, one of those silly school games where the teacher would break us up into groups and pass out a list of items, tell us we were going to a deserted island and to rank the order of the items we would take. The reasons often became silly for some of the items. Well, right now I am at that point. Moving into a small apartment from a large house, what should I take, what should I leave. Of course my computer goes. My single conduit connecting me with the rest of the human race. How about books? Well I can take a few but already have resigned myself to the fact that the majority of my library will have to stay. Pictures? The large ones from Italy will have to stay on my walls, afterall, the originals are on my computer. Important papers will go, but tax forms for the past 100 years will have to stay. I can take one of my three printers (yes I have three printers, each serving their own purpose). File cabinet? Nope, too big, it stays. Tools all stay, except for my little electric screwdriver, better pack that. Luckily I have burned most of my CDs to mp3s and they are on the computer. Clothes? Well some stay and some go. Leaving my worn out clothes here and anything less than a few years old is going. So many other items will have to stay for now. Luckily I will have to make a few trips back in August so better to take a little now and see what I miss or what there is room for.

How do we accumulate so much junk in such a short time? Seems like we are all encouraged to hoard. I often have thought how liberating it would be to live with very little somewhere in a remote cabin, but there again I would rapidly start thinking of those things I'd be missing.

So whatever my daughter and I can get in a small car is all that goes this trip. Ought to make unpacking easy.

The Move

  Five days until the big move. I've always considered North Carolina my home as I've done most of my important growing up here, Well North Carolina is in some sort of a meltdown right now (as I suppose so is much of the country). Taxes are going up, we're several billion short of balancing the budget, teachers are being laid off, and the governor has new office furniture. Someday someone will answer for being the state with some of the highest gasoline taxes, property taxes and income taxes in the southeast but still coming up short in the budget, but that time seems a way off. As unemployment increases and property values decrease, this is a good time to move.

  So it's off to South Carolina we go. Right off the bat I noticed gasoline was about 25 cents less a gallon, the roads appear to be paved and the schools don't seem to be in shutdown mode. We're not new to SC as that was where I taught college briefly and received my medical degree. The move is slated as temporary, two years in fact, but who knows what the future will bring, I certainly do not.

  As property values have dropped so much in North Carolina (finally catching up with the rest of the country) and since the real estate market is on life support, we've decided not to sell the NC house right yet and let our daughter and son-in-law manage it while they finish their degrees. For the timebeing we'll be downsizing into an apartment smaller than the one we lived in when we were married. My wife is concerned that we'll be tripping over each other, but I know we will manage. The youngest will be enrolling in high school for her last two years. They still offer electives and AP courses in SC and in fact recommend that each student declare a concentration before graduation. Far cry from the 50 student classes we were looking at in NC.

   So we're moving south of the border. If you're ever driving down I-95 and feel the urge to eat a taco at four in the morning, I recommend you drive past south of the border and wait until taco bell opens. Years ago I ate one of their 4 am tacos and believe I never recovered from the gastrointestinal effects.

More to come.

An Introduction

          Introduction
There are so many good blogs out there, why bother. Several years ago I posted a number of thoughts and ideas to these pages. It was a time of major change and upheaval in my life. I found the writing and comments very cathartic (cleansing). Sometimes thinking out loud is better than inner contemplation. When I came to a point where things in my life seemed to settle down, I found I ran out of things to say. I might refer back to some of those times in these columns in case a few of you ask, "what ever happened..." Otherwise I'll just share some stories and insights as they occur. Many of the changes which occurred in my life several years ago were very positive, others are still in progress. So sit back and enjoy, comment if you feel the desire, learn from my observations, return if you feel so inclined.


          Some Background
Currently I am the medical director of an Emergency Department at a small rural hospital in Eastern North Carolina. I also serve as Medical Director of the county EMS system. I attend Saint Gabriel's Catholic Church where I also teach faith development (Sunday School) to high school students. I attend Bible Study when it's offered and have served on various church committees when called. I am married, 23 years now and have two daughters. One has grown up and moved out, the other in high school. It's still a mystery how I fell into the career of medicine, especially as according to my high school counselor I "might be capable of a two year degree if I worked really hard." In the past I have been know to do some impulsive things, thinking I could apply to, get into and graduate from medical school was one of those times it worked.


          So What About the Title "SewDoc"
Oh yeah, that comes from years ago when my wife and I decided we were going to open a business together. We opened a shop which sold sewing machines, fabric and notions and I was the sewing machine repairman. I attended several training sessions and set up a little work station in the back of our store. As I was still a practicing physician, I came up with the title "The Sewing Machine Doctor" for my business cards. Somehow, that got shortened to SewDoc. Although we closed the store years ago, the name kind of stuck.


          A Warning
I quote a lot of Scripture. I have found the Bible to be the best source of answers to life's problems. That may surprise those of you who knew me from my past and may offend you if you are a nonbeliever. No apologies here.